Easter Friday

Hello April.
It feels like you've come too early. I am still reeling from the fear and anticipation when I left the Changi Airport. I've lost count of the months to come before I pack my bags.

Maybe I don't want to think about it - because I don't know if I can go on for that long. Time is relative, isn't it?

It's time to re-prioritise the reasons why i am here:
- to get my degree, and a good one too.
I am sick of being average. Of being not good enough for some companies be it physically or academically.

- to sort out my emotions
Like how i always wanted to get away, and now that I am away, I love the lack of responsibilities except for myself. It's great - but also a little empty. I need to balance this. I am not alone, that i know. It's all about adjusting.

- to forgive
There are a few people who've disappointed me badly. Hang on, actually, they didn't. I gave them too much credit for what they're worth. Another lesson learnt on my end. Don't expect anyone to give what I am ready to offer.

- to be positive
I am trying very hard to stay positive - because this is the only way I can go on. I am leaning a lot towards God, because He's all that I've now. I do feel stronger, even for a while. What I always hold on is that God will never abandon me - even if it feels like I am all alone, i needed to go through that to be better. Like a test of fire. Do you think that I am being deluded by thinking like that? I do want to believe that the Kingdom of God is real.  (And i've never believe in Santa Claus).

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The world is only what i made it out to be. I only have myself now and God as my beacon.